I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
