Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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