I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
