dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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