my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize