Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
How does one acquire holy water?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize