Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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