Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
