why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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