a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
