i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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