"it" just moved
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
