I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
