We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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