I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
