Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
