Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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