..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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