Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Your cock deserves a montage
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
