He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
i now understand why vodka
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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