Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
