last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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