Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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