Sponge bath it is.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
