I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
