Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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