apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I came so hard my ears popped.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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