I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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