On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
