I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
