I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
