It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
