nut hugger
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
