you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
