just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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