she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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