Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
