her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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