A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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