It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
