I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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