Non-Jews are for practice
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize