Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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