You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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