there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
