I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
