if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
