It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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