Where did you get a picture of my penis
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Randomize
