Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
