Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
