You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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