It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i think i scared a bird with my dick
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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