So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
