so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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