Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
