that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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