Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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