No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
