First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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