whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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