I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
