You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
