what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize