I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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