He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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