The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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