Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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