I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
