Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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