Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
