My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
false alarm, still single
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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