You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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